Corona Daily 417: Constitutional Autarchy

Vladimir Putin is in a tearing hurry. He is bored in his Novo-Ogaryovo residence outside Moscow. Three special disinfection tunnels have been built to protect him. The virus has disrupted his grand, visionary plans, but being Vladimir Putin he will have the last word.

This is the 21^st year of his ruling the world’s largest country. When the USSR collapsed, and nascent Russia finally wished to live freely, the constitution limited the president’s power to two terms of four years, like in the USA. But an anonymous mischief inserted a word “two consecutive terms”. Since 2003, Putin has proclaimed he respects the constitution, has no lust for power, and he certainly wouldn’t dream of extending his rule. However, while saying this, he found a marionette called Medvedev. On completing eight years, Putin swapped places with Medvedev. The world knew the difference between de jure and de facto, but oil prices were high, relations with Ukraine were peaceful, so everyone ignored the charade.

In Dec. 2008, Putin provoked the marionette to extend the next president’s term to six instead of four years. Nobody asked why; in Putin’s Russia, you don’t. Using the non-consecutive loophole, Putin officially re-sat on his throne in 2012. He is now allowed to continue his autarchy till 2024. By then, Russia’s most masculine man, a black belt judo champ will be only 72. (Trump is already older). Surely, for Russia’s benefit, Putin must continue for at least another two terms, till 2036.

Putin respects the constitution. If the constitution doesn’t allow something, he gets it amended. In 2024, Putin wants to reset the clock to zero, meaning despite serving for 25 years, he hasn’t served as a president yet. A national referendum asking people to approve this change was planned on 22 April (Lenin’s 150^th birthday, a nice touch), but this goddamned virus came in the way.

Russia is now third on the list in terms of the number of cases. Moscow is a hotspot. Moscow’s April statistics suggested at least 1000 covid-19 deaths were not reported. The lockdown has been strict. Mayday had to be cancelled. Workers have been sent on mandatory leave. The risk of contagion remains high. The only news worse than the pandemic is that Putin’s popularity score is at a record low of 59%.

Like a chess grandmaster, Putin visualizes the endgame before making his moves. Before his rating goes below 50%, he must conduct a referendum to be in power till 2036. He ignores the concerns of the local leaders, the Moscow mayor, and announces a national vote on 1 July.

To boost the votes, he also announces Victory Day (normally 9 May) will take place on 24 June. Presumably, Putin will cross the disinfection tunnel, and appear without any protective gear. The grand display of power will make Russians proud. Muscovites have been asked to watch it on TV, but the president knows the streets will be full. Hopefully, that orgasmic feeling will last for a week until voting time.

On 1 July, Russians will go to vote to keep Putin in power until 2036. Each voter’s temperature will be measured. Disposable masks, disposable gloves, individual disinfected pens and sanitisers will be available at the booth. The largest country will exercise its constitutional right to let its autarch continue to rule over them for ever.

Ravi