Corona Daily 109: French Humour

Last few weeks, Jean Castex, the Prime Minister of France has been getting ladies’ underwear by mail every day. Not just that, each sender shares a photo on social media, accompanied with a screenshot of a letter explaining their low-down act. Castex has already received more than two hundred lacy and non lacy panties.

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France is currently in its third nationwide lockdown. The earlier lockdowns were so strict; a Frenchman wishing to leave the house had to fill a two-page, widely infamous, “attestation”. It was denounced as a multiple choice quiz by a senator. The convoluted language made the applicants look online for the meaning of some French words. To go jogging, one had to specify the starting point, the route, state the time, and give a reason for jogging. After filling the form online, one waited for the ministry to approve, and then either print the permission or take it on your smart phone.

A month ago, the French parliament debated the linguistic nuances of the word confinement (lockdown). If people are allowed to go out, can it really be a lockdown? Someone suggested lockdown light (like Marlboro lights). Finally they called it confinement partiel, where several concessions would be offered.

In the third lockdown, the French are allowed to walk their dog, with 1 km as the maximum radius. But with their children, the radius is 10 km. Fairly generous, because from Paris center, you will go out of Paris if you try to cover 10 km. However, this is applicable only if you are a local with an address proof. If not, you fill the multi-quiz form before stepping out.

E-cigarette sellers, video game parlours and chocolate shops are open. But shoe shops, beauty salons, cloth stores and departmental stores are shut. Wisely, since the shoe shops are shut, shoe repair shops are allowed to operate.

Earlier, France had a 12 hour lockdown (6am-6 pm) followed by 12 hours of curfew (6pm-6am). In the third lockdown, one extra lockdown hour is granted to people, the curfew now begins at 7 pm.

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Roger Cohen, a NYT reporter in Paris describes his visit to Castorama to buy a desk lamp. Castorama is open under the lockdown laws, because its surface area is below 100,000 sq feet. But different sections are closed by red-and-white tapes like a police barricade. Because inside the hypermarket, only essential goods can be sold. Mr Cohen could buy toasters or pans of hundreds of varieties, any home stereo equipment, but not a desk lamp. At Boulanger, an electronics store, vacuum cleaners could be sold, but not refrigerators or stoves.

Florists are open, and kitchenware stores shut. Bookstores are open in the third lockdown, although they were susceptible to virus in the first. Frozen goods shops are open, but not gift shops.

When Mr Cohen asked in the shop why a desk lamp was considered non-essential, the salesman said he didn’t know. “But, of course, you can use a candle”, he said helpfully.

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Camille Chaize, the interior ministry spokeswoman, admitted the documents and rules were complex, but they were self-explanatory. One kilometer was plainly the radius in which a dog urinates, ask animal experts.

Hairdressers are now essential to boost the morale of the French people. Florists are now allowed because half of their business takes place in spring. And chocolate shops are obviously open for the Easter holidays (which are not exactly holidays). The nationwide curfew was reduced by an hour because of the clocks springing forward for summertime.

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Lingerie stores were classified as non-essential businesses. All underwear shops were ordered shut to reduce the transmission of covid-19. Angered by the regulation, the lingerie shop-owners decided to send underwear to the PM. “Florists, bookshops, hairdressers and record shops are essential. What about underwear?” The group asked. “Isn’t it a question of hygiene and protection? Isn’t it the first thing we put on in the morning to get dressed?”

France will review the lockdown regulations on 3 May. The French PM may consider making lingerie essential in the new regulations.

Ravi