Corona Daily 449: Seksbuddies in Netherlands

On 15 May, the Netherlands officially advised single men and women to find themselves a seksbuddy (sex buddy) or a cuddle buddy.

Netherlands is a marvelous nation, perhaps the freest on earth. It is open, transparent, equal-for-all, matter-of-fact and no-nonsense. Going Dutch is a term we are familiar with. Recreational drugs are officially sold. Amsterdam’s De Wallen is a glamorous, picturesque red light district. It is a rare country where patients in extreme agony can peacefully end their life with the doctor’s help.

On 23 March, Netherlands began its strict lockdown. Neighbouring UK advised couples not living together “to test the strength of their relationship”. (A famous George Mikes quote: On the continent people have sex; in England they have hot-water bottles).

The Dutch National Institute for Public Health and the Environment (RIVM) gives official advice to its citizens. Some FAQs on their website asked “Can I still have sex now that coronavirus is in the Netherlands?”

Yes, the advice said, you can have sex. But keep a distance of 1.5 meters. Webcam sex or DIY (do it yourself) is allowed. Group sex is no longer possible. But group sexting on Skype or Zoom is possible. The Dutch call theirs an ‘intelligent lockdown’.

While keeping a distance of 1.5 meters, the couples were advised to tell each other erotic stories. It is possible the Health institute started online storytelling classes. (If they are in Dutch, English subtitles should be added so that other nations can benefit).

Over the last six weeks, the government realized they had forgotten about the singles. Singles had nobody to tell stories to. One love expert said sex is a human right. Another called the deprivation “skin hunger (huid honger)”.

Finally, yesterday, as a measure of relief to the singles, the government officially advised them to find “sex buddies” or “cuddle buddies.” Of course, great care should be taken in the selection process. Buddies and their contact-circle should be disease-free. Singles and their buddies should come to a mutually satisfactory agreement to keep themselves safe.

They should not use public transport to visit each other. Before starting anything, they should wash hands. After it is over, they should wash hands. After that, the advice becomes a bit ambiguous when it says: wash hands when you touch your partner. What does that mean? Does the government expect the romance to happen next to a washbasin? Or in a bathtub?

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Anyway, the humane advice of the Dutch government appeared to be misunderstood or distorted on the Dutch social media today. Multitudes of texts asked for buddies. Hundreds of ads appeared online as well.

Frightened by this response, the government Health institute removed the words ‘sex buddy’ and ‘cuddle buddy’ from the website. It also clarified that its nuanced message was distorted. It never intended to promote arbitrary sex. The Dutch government wants singles to have safe sex with someone in a committed relationship.

Ravi