Last month, a superior court of justice in Ontario,
Canada had to rule on whether a father can exercise his rights and spend time
with his daughter during the summer holiday.
Almaz Yohannes, the mother, lives in Toronto. Her
ex-husband Florent Boni lives in France. They divorced in 2012. Their 10-year old
daughter Selyana lives with her mother in Toronto. Selyana spends her school
breaks, including six-weeks of summer holiday with her father in France. On
hearing the mother was reluctant to send Selyana to France in these pandemic
times, the father went to the French police complaining about the
non-compliance of the order by his ex-wife. The mother then brought an urgent
motion requesting the Ontario court to suspend the father’s rights during the
pandemic.
The court decided that it was in Selyana’s best
interest not to travel to France
until the Covid-19 pandemic continued and the Travel Advisory was in place. Considering
the extraordinary circumstances, it was practical to change the original
parenting order. The father can exercise his access to Selyana in Toronto when
he visits in the future.
The judge, who decided the case through a videoconference,
also expected the parties to co-operate.
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Counselors and courts expect parents to co-operate,
but in many cases the parents divorced because they couldn’t.
Even when divorced or separated parents live in the
same city, co-parenting has become complicated. In the USA alone, there are 8.3
million children co-raised by estranged biological parents. The historical norm
of sole-mother custody is now replaced by equal or equitable custody. A child
moves between two houses, staying for three days in one, four days in another
every week. Some children spend alternate weekends with their father and
mother. They don’t ever say “I’m going home”. It’s either “mom’s house” or “dad’s
house”.
Since March, the children and their parents have faced
several problems. Normally, the house swap happened at the school or a parent’s
workplace. Now kids must be collected and dropped at the ex’s house. With
restricted movement in lockdown, it was not clear if the agreed terms can be
abided by. Michael Gove, the UK minister, had to clarify the lockdown
restrictions didn’t apply to movement of minor children living in two houses.
A real frustration in co-parenting is that you don’t
know what goes on in the other house. Is your ex’s new family as careful about handwashing
and social distancing? What if the ex-husband’s now-wife is a nurse?
Family courts were initially closed, later virtual.
For them, the joint custody disputes are not a priority over domestic violence
cases. Courts worldwide take interference with custody and visitation
seriously. A nasty parent can even file charges of kidnapping against the ex
for not following the parenting order. Where relations are not cordial, co-parents
are worried about unilaterally changing the agreed arrangements.
*****
Chloe Caldwell, 34, writes for New York Times. She stays with her stepdaughter, Louise, 10. For
half a week, Louise moves to her mother’s house, where the mother lives with
her current husband and children.
Since March, Louise started sleeping badly; many
children do in the pandemic. She asked for a puppy as a companion. Chloe and
her husband were not keen, but Louise’s mother was. In June, on Louise’s tenth
birthday, her mother gave her a fluffy pandemic puppy, Bella. Caldwell’s
poignant story about co-parenting a puppy
ends happily with both Louise and Bella now moving every week between the two
houses.
Ravi