Corona Daily 047: The Case of the Naked Deer Men

Last Sunday, on 27 June, two grown men from Sydney decided to go sunbathing. This is winter time in Australia. Even temperatures of 15C can tempt people to go to a beach. The two unnamed men, (and it will soon be clear why they are not named) went to the beach, took off their clothes and lay in a state of nature, their eyes closed. They would have needed only a few hours to develop a nice darkish tan.

Except for the two naked Australians, the beach was empty. Eerily silent. In that silence, they both heard an unfamiliar sound. When they opened their eyes, they saw a deer darting in their direction. The startled men jumped to their feet. The younger naked man, 30, took his backpack which he was using as a pillow and ran for his life. The older naked man, 49, ran with just his t-shirt in his hand. Neither of them looked back. They kept running and entered a nearby forest. They stopped only once they were certain the deer was nowhere near.

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Not known if the nude dudes were aware they had entered the Royal National Park, some 25 miles from central Sydney. As can be expected of Australian forests, this park is a 15,000 hectare (37,000 acre) coastal stretch. The naked men spent the first hour trying to find each other. That proved impossible. Then they tried to find the way out. Their clothes and footwear were still lying far away on the beach where the deer had charged at them.

Unfortunately, the newspaper reports are stripped off many details. For example, were the two men wearing masks as required by the regulations?

At 6 pm, with the forest getting dark, the 30 year old called the police. Presumably, he had his cell phone in the backpack. He gave to the police the bare sequence of the events. When the police asked where they were, he replied he didn’t know where his friend was. Neither could he give his location.

The State Emergency Service of New South Wales deployed 18 members to assist with the search. The police rescue team, an NSW ambulance, and a Polair helicopter began the search. In an hour or so, they found the young caller, still in his birthday suit, near Lady Wakehurst Drive. Though nothing on him, he was carrying his backpack.

After a further search, they found the 49 year old man as well. The police statement says he was “partially clothed”, though the statement could have been more specific.

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Both men were taken to St George police station. Each was fined $1,000 Australian for the breach of lockdown orders that prohibit residents of greater Sydney from travelling outside the city. (It is noteworthy they were not fined for not wearing masks.)

Mick Fuller is the NSW police commissioner. At yesterday’s news conference, he described the incident and said “it was difficult to legislate against idiots.”

Only one journalist spoke in defence of the two men. “Running from a deer surely counts as strenuous physical exercise, and thus permissible under the stay at home orders.” Said ABC journalist Casey Briggs.

Australia is such a coronavirus-cautious country that a single Australian coughing is capable of throwing the entire state into lockdown. The Australian public is sick of listening to the daily bulletins giving the list of restrictions, the delta plus variant, absence of vaccines. They expressed their thanks to the naked men who ran from the deer and got lost in the forest. The public has demanded more such stories in the government’s daily broadcasts.

Ravi