Corona Daily 309: The President in Isolation

In 1863, President Lincoln was diagnosed with smallpox. The White house was converted into a quarantine smallpox hospital. Lincoln’s two private secretaries imposed strict restrictions on visits. Dr Stone vaccinated all White House staff against smallpox. Lincoln famously said: for once in my life as President, I find myself in a position to give everybody something.

Trump is now another USA president with something to give to everyone, but nobody keen to take it. The White House now has over one hundred staff. Add to that his large family, including five children. Somebody took a wise decision to move him to the Walter Reed Army Medical Hospital. Its ward no. 71 has two suites, one for the President and one for the First Lady. But Melania remains at the White House.

Outside Trump’s presidential suite, a team of secret service agents in black suits, striped red ties and sunglasses will keep a vigil. The danger is not about a sniper, but a photographer with a long zoom camera. Trump can’t be seen in anything except in a smart blue suit. Any newspaper would pay a fortune for a ‘Trump in pyjamas’ picture. An oxygen mask or a saline tube would ruin any remaining election chances.

An attendant carrying the nuclear football will stand at the window. The football is a large and heavy briefcase containing the how-to-manual and a card with authentication codes to launch a nuclear attack. This briefcase is carried by military aides-de-camp, who must at all times be within earshot of the president. Just like the secret agents, they are subjected to strict scrutiny before recruitment. If out of sheer boredom Trump decides to launch a missile on Iran or Mexico, he will call this gentleman.

Trump has a daily meeting with the counselor to seek political advice. Trump is consistent - his wives and counselors are usually former models. Unfortunately, the current counselor Hope Hicks is down with the virus, and was possibly the source. In the large suite in the hospital, Trump will miss her presence.

There is also the make-up-team. Just like the royal families, each member of the Trump family has their own makeup personnel. Before Trump leaving the white house, giving a rally speech, starting the debate, the make-up team works on his face and hairdo. They remove any excess hair in his ears and nose. (Because Trump is tall, excess nose hair would look awful to those coming close to him.)  They check the tie-knot is perfect. Trump will miss this team. Their absence is another reason why nobody should take a picture of him.

Another person he will miss is the Twitter assistant. The twitular king is prolific, but he can only post text, even in BOLD. He can retweet on his own. But for the attachments, and to maintain his Twitter account, he has a full time assistant. Research doesn’t disclose who the person is, but it could be a girl in her twenties who was a model before becoming the Twitter assistant. If you see fewer tweets over the next two weeks, that may have little to do with Trump’s health.

Naturally, Trump will not be expected to engage in cooking, cleaning or laundering. People in PPE will bring him cheeseburgers and cokes. Doctors and nurses will monitor him, again wearing PPE. The secret service agents, if they are smart, will make sure nobody carries their smartphones when entering the suite.

In his 74 years of life, Donald Trump will be imprisoned in an isolation cell for the first time. Even those who don’t like the man, can take pity on him.

Ravi