The Royal Assent: A Short Story

On the morning of Thursday, 16 March 2017, Prince Charles looked anxious when he spoke to a half-awake Camilla. “Get ready,” he said, “we have been summoned to Buckingham Palace.”

“Is something wrong?” asked Camilla, more with hope than anxiety. For years, she had waited for an emergency departure to the palace on receiving sudden news.

“Don’t know. Mama wants to see us urgently. I understand Will is also going. It’s a busy day. I hope it’s nothing major.” Charles was scheduled to meet representatives of the world’s largest cocoa and chocolate companies today. His speechwriter hadn’t yet sent his speech.

Camilla’s make-up team began working on her. She and Charles left Clarence house half an hour later. At the palace, they rushed straight to the Queen’s private apartments. 

The Queen welcomed them. She threw a glance at Camilla. God knows when Charles was going to mature, the Queen wondered. She had asked her private secretary to invite Charles. Why couldn’t he ever come alone? On matters of importance, the presence of outsiders was distracting. The Queen was at a loss when it came to addressing Camilla. Her reflex was to call her Mrs Parker Bowles, but that would be inappropriate now. In public she referred to her as the Duchess of Cornwall, and in private preferred not to address her at all. 

Charles was relieved to see his parents. Mummy looked a bit haggard. She wasn’t wearing her pearl necklace. Seeing the Queen’s neck without a necklace is a privilege granted only to the close family. They were soon joined by William, Kate and Harry, all of whom had hurried here from Kensington Palace.

The Queen was happy to see her grandsons. Without them and Kate, this room would look like a geriatric ward. It was good William had shown the sense to leave his children home. The Queen wished to have a crucial talk - the presence of her great-grandchildren would rob the meeting of any seriousness.

With the usual uniformed staff hovering over them, nobody said anything of importance during the light breakfast.  The Queen imperceptibly nodded at the Head-Coffee-Room-maid. The staff silently disappeared, leaving the family on its own.

“I was restless during the night.” The Queen began. Kate thought the Queen looked as bad as a Queen can look. “I need to make an important decision today. That’s the reason I’ve called you here.”

Camilla couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had the moment finally arrived? This ancient, power-obsessed woman had deprived poor Charles of his due. He had been the heir apparent for sixty-eight years. That was the only record Charles was likely to have against his name. Queen Camilla, Queen Camilla... she had said these words so many times, in front of the mirror, in her dreams. Queen sounded so much better than Duchess. Camilla was absolutely determined to become the king’s wife one day. But for that to happen, it was important Charles should out-survive his mother. That didn’t look easy. This old fool of a lady looked strong for another ten, maybe fifteen, years. Was she finally abdicating the throne today?

“You may know that I’m expected to sign the Brexit bill today. I had my weekly meeting with the Prime Minister yesterday.” That meeting had not gone well. Mrs May was like a voice message machine. No matter what you asked, she uttered pre-rehearsed phrases aggressively. That other woman, Maggie Thatcher (may God bless her soul), used to make the Queen equally uncomfortable. But the Queen had somehow managed her for eleven years. Mrs May, humourless and mannish, was far worse; she had a mean streak in her. It was frightening to see she was in charge of the kingdom. “What I’ve heard from her so far doesn’t inspire confidence at all. I’ve talked to a couple of lords. They’re equally nervous.”

“Mummy, the bill is passed by the commons. The lords can’t do anything now.” Charles said. Camilla nodded as a matter of protocol. She had lost all interest in the conversation.

“Maybe the lords can’t.” The Queen said and took a deliberate pause. She then looked at Charles. “Things, I understand, are not good. Charles, you said last summer that pound sterling would bounce back. Well, nine months are gone and one lord described it as one of the worst performing currencies.” Not surprisingly, the Queen had always felt an emotional bond with the English currency. After the referendum, she had developed a nagging feeling that she had become personally devalued.

“Scotland has threatened to run another referendum. I’m afraid they may succeed this time. I couldn’t sleep last night at the thought of losing Balmoral Castle.”

“Granny, we’ll not lose Balmoral, whether Scotland is in or out. Balmoral belongs to our family.” William said what he thought should be obvious to everyone, including the Monarch.

“Northern Ireland may leave as well.” The Queen, being the Queen, ignored any interruptions. “One lord said our kingdom may finally be left with the Midlands and Yorkshire. Midlands and Yorkshire, that’s all.”

‘You’re meeting the wrong lords.” Said Charles, not realising that the Queen was more comfortable talking to lords her own age. Those lords specialised in making the darkest forecasts. “What can we do anyway? We’re expected to be neutral.”

“Not neutral, my dear son, we have been neutered. They talk of the Royal prerogative, (the humourless woman does), the Royal assent, at Her Majesty’s pleasure... well, I’m considering withholding my assent.”

“Granny, you mean you will refuse to sign the Brexit bill? And if you don’t sign it, Brexit doesn’t happen?” Harry said excitedly.

“Yes. If I don’t sign it, the Prime Minister can’t invoke article 50. The process will come to a halt.” During the night, the Queen had scripted a speech in her mind for television. She would tell her subjects how ruinous the whole Brexit plan was. Two years was too short a time to negotiate with an infuriated group of twenty seven countries. It was clear the divorce would end with no deal for the UK. The kingdom, or whatever was left of it, would be isolated from Europe, new borders would appear, all foreign goods would become costlier, English exports would decline; Brexit would be a disaster for science and universities in the UK. The voters didn’t know all that in June.

“I’m not sure it’s the right thing to stop Europeans from coming here.” The Queen continued. The House of Windsor was originally German – called the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, but that didn’t bother the Queen too much. She was worried about the loss of the low-priced labour coming in from Eastern Europe. If one million Poles are asked to leave, who will wait at restaurant tables? Can this country run without carpenters, plumbers, construction workers, shop assistants? Even Buckingham palace now had forty people employed from Eastern Europe. They were refreshingly cheap and worked hard. Those one million Poles was a godsend. They took care of the lowly jobs that the English weren’t going to do anyway. “England has always been inclusive, multi-cultural, welcoming to all foreigners.”

“When I signed the bill to allow sending of troops to Iraq, I suspected it was a mistake. I wouldn’t like to make another. I can’t sign a death sentence for my own kingdom.” Iraq was a blunder, the Queen knew, but it affected few British people. The loss of lives was mainly in foreign lands. But Brexit promised a ruin for her own people.

“Granny, I completely agree with you.” Harry said. “You shouldn’t sign the bill.” Life was getting boring. Granny’s plan would bring real excitement in their life. A Royal Revolt, wow! Harry imagined the headlines. In the last three hundred years, no King or Queen had dared to do what his grandmother was proposing. Harry himself had little to lose either way. The rate at which Will and Kate were producing kids, Harry was never going to come anywhere near the throne. The world needed to feel the power of monarchy once again. Granny’s refusal to sign would do the trick.  

“Mummy, listen,” said Charles. “I appreciate your emotions and commitment to our people. The information we currently have is speculative. We need to give the govt a chance. Britain has always come out of every crisis. It’ll overcome this as well. I think we should keep faith.” What has got into Mama’s head, he wondered. Did she become senile overnight? What an outrageous thought, to not sign a bill. And to listen to this ludicrous idea, Camilla and he had had to hurry in the morning.

“You mean you don’t support vetoing the bill.” The Queen said softly.

She moved closer to Prince Philip. “You haven’t said anything.”

Prince Philip looked startled. He didn’t have an ounce of English blood, was he even qualified to take part in this discussion? “As the Duke of Edinburgh, I would certainly feel sad if the kingdom were to lose Scotland.” He smiled and blinked his eyes. At 95, he didn’t need any complications in his life. Why did Lillbet have such a crazy idea? All the people in this room were part of a monumental farce; they were the highest paid actors in the world, with castles and palaces included in their pay-packages. They simply needed to stay loyal to the script. Why change the lines and turn it into a melodrama? “I agree with Charles. We should not take a pessimistic view. Things can improve, I’m sure they will.” Philip said. He knew Lillbet valued his opinion, though the rest of the world looked at him as a mere consort.

“Granny, let’s look at the brighter side. We’ll be independent, a truly sovereign kingdom. It may come at a cost, but it will be short term. Our country is very important to Europeans, they will give us good terms, I’m certain. And we’ll take immigrants in a systematic way; we’ll take the best people from Poland, not any people from Poland. You are the Queen of the Commonwealth, the House of Windsor still rules over Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the Bahamas...”

Kate looked proudly at William. Yes, she loved the Bahamas. And she wouldn’t mind shifting the Royal residence to New Zealand. London air was so polluted. Maybe George, when he becomes king, can live in a castle in New Zealand. Of course, he had his father, grandfather, and great-grandmother before him. As matters stood now, it may take another three hundred years before George’s turn came. But as William was saying, we must remain optimistic. Kate’s situation was not as grim as Camilla’s, not yet.

“The danger”, William was saying, “is the media twisting your intention, granny. They are saying Brexit is what the people want. They called the judges ‘the enemy of the people.’ If you don’t sign the bill, they may put you in the same category.” If the House of Windsor was called the enemy of the people, that would be the end. Granny’s dangerous idea could cause abolition of monarchy, before Britain goes out of EU. Their first allegiance must be to the House of Windsor.  The notion of this nation living without a monarch was abhorrent. British Monarchy, over centuries, had successfully guided the country and must guide it always.

“It appears that nobody in this room supports the idea.” The Queen looked at Philip, Charles and William in quick succession. She had forgotten that Harry overwhelmingly supported her thinking, but Harry didn’t matter, he was rather low in the line of succession.

“I agree with what Will said. His argument was valid. We don’t want to be seen as the enemy of the people’’. Charles said.

“Well, I must say I was not too sure of the idea myself. I’m glad I called all of you here to take your views. It’s a busy day. We are scheduled to re-open the National Army Museum this morning. The Brexit bill signing is at eleven. But that shouldn’t take more than a few seconds.”

Once everyone was dismissed, the Queen’s ‘personal dresser’ and make-up team began their work. An hour later, making the most of the spring weather, the Queen donned a light weight powder blue tweed coat and matching hat for the occasion.

Ravi